The support I had planned for in my early days in Canada was no longer there.  Having a support network is critical to survive the early days.  But I was not in the part of Canada I had planned to be, I was not with the family I had planned to be, I was fighting to hold on to my family coming out.  I was in Canada and picking up a new support network.  I was in Victoria, BC, which, whilst a completely different part of Canada, offered me fresh opportunities. 

I had emotional support from a family and friends every bit as good as what I had originally expected in Ottawa.  So I thought I had support to see through it all.  But I had never been to Victoria and I was with new friends, and without my wife coming out, it was a completely new beginning.  I knew Ottawa and the family I was originally staying with.  Once my wife decided to no longer be with me I knew I was without any link to my previous life. 

That love I had for her was so ingrained in how much my life had become interwoven with hers.  It is probably normal – how a marriage should be.  I can’t say how much I was a part of her life.  With hindsight I am not sure.  She never seemed to let me in, in the last year or so and I pointed out to her how it hurt. But it was that love and how she rejected it when I was out there that wiped me off my feet.  My only support from my previous life had gone.