If my marriage was over what was to stop me going to Canada?  As it happens I could rationalise just that.  But more than that I could not stop the momentum that had built up in my life since my wife had agreed to go way back eleven months ago, it was now just a flight away.  I was on the edge of living a dream.  I could not stop it happening to me.  If she had said she wanted me to stay I don’t know how I would have reacted.  I could have been persuaded but she never uttered a word or emotion to stop me, after all, I was not part of her plans.  Of course she went through all sorts of emotions when I did leave, but that’s kinda natural even if you are the one doing the dirty.  But I was left in no doubt that the door was open to leave – she may not have expected me to walk through it, but she held it wide open.

 That addiction to the living the dream of a new life in Canada was at its height as I flew out.  Yes it was mixed with an awful emotion of leaving my wife and child behind, but I looked forward to a new future and took with me a promise from her to consider joining me.  I held on to that promise so tight like you do with your partners hand when you are about to walk in to something new.  The adrenalin of the journey pumped by the hope she would be inspired and join me or at least not want to let go of me drove me forward.  I looked forward to Christmas when she said she would join me – she was actively looking at changing her ticket to come out with Harry.

 But the power of addiction was not as strong as the power of my feelings for her.  When she broke it to me out there that she was not coming out and she had decided to stay and felt happier living without me – the power to carry on in Canada subsided.  The strength of my love for her was too strong to contain and I knew I could no longer stay in Canada.